This was the question you asked me once. I believe it was when I saw you in Brussels the second time. You wore a stern look on your face as your eyes studied me with suspicion. I felt instinctively self-conscious as I gazed back at you. My nerves were getting the best of me, as they often do in awkward situations like these. To be honest I hadn’t thought about this question before; since I had been so preoccupied with pursuing you. Although, had I taken a deep breath and reflected for a moment to listen to what was in my heart, then it would’ve been different.
If only you could have sensed how I feel about you or read my mind so that words were not necessary. How could I have mouthed the words that were lodged in my throat. “I want you to be my wife. My life partner.” Would that have made a difference? Could ten words have really altered the course of our destiny? Hindsight is twenty-twenty of course. It’s so easy to imagine that I would have said it or done things differently had I known what I know now. However, in that moment I was paralyzed. My tongue was paralyzed. And all I could offer was deafening silence in reply to your question – What are your intentions?
And in your turn, you assumed that silence to betray a guilt that I did not own. That I had only pursued you for nefarious motives. That I was no different from the others. That I was unworthy of your love. And that the love which you felt for me, could not be acknowledged, since I was undeserving. At least so it appeared at the time. I guess it all boils down to timing. So we left things unspoken, with uncertainty lingering in the air like a dense fog clouding our perception of each other.
And where did it lead us? Down this desolate rabbit hole of confusion, distrust, heartache, separation and solitude. Yet we cannot turn back the clock, and undo what has been done. Or not spoken. The only thing we have the power to change is the future. My intentions remain the same. So my only consolation is that it is up to fate’s hands to deliver us. Who knows what is written in the sky? Maybe the stars will align for us one day? Thanks as always for stopping by!
Thanks as always for visiting my blog! Also, if you would like to receive more updates about my writing please consider joining my newsletter mailing list by subscribing below.